First interview invitation

I just got an email inviting me to interview at my DREAM school!!! There are so many good things about this (one of which is that all of my letters of recommendation are positive...what a relief!). But there is also one bad thing about it: the date they assigned me is the Saturday before Thanksgiving.

I don't think I have any vacation plans for the week of Thanksgiving, which is different from other years when we've gone on vacation to Mexico with the family since we don't celebrate Turkey Day. Regardless, I would like to keep the option of going somewhere fairly open and not being able to leave until Sunday would put a damper on those plans. On the other hand, it'll be nice to have the distraction of a vacation right after interviewing at my dream school.

Like I've stated numerous times before, I cannot make decisions for myself, which is why this is a real dilemma for me.

Other than that, happy days!

It's the little things in life

I was in a funk yesterday because I got another medical school rejection and now I'm a little paranoid that one of my letters of recommendation will indeed bury my application. On the other hand, the latest rejection was from a school that required family connections to the region, which I didn't realize until after I submitted my secondary so it's not exactly surprising after-all. But it still stings.

Regardless, I was in a funk and on the way back from my volunteering gig at the hospital I stopped by Target to see if they had heat blankets in stock yet. We were due for a dusting of snow this weekend and our house doesn't have insulation, so it's often unbearably cold. And I really wasn't looking forward to shivering all evening.

Shamelessly stolen photo from a friend's Facebook from this morning.
It had all melted by the time I woke up (at noon).

Well, I couldn't find any heat blankets, but when I asked one of the Target ladies if they had them she said they're back in storage waiting to be put on display. She then offered to look to see if one was easily accessible to pull out for me and came back with one in a color that I actually approved of. My frown suddenly turned into a huge smile. I wish she knew just how much she had made my day.

So I went home, plopped on the couch with my tea and new heat blanket, and spent the evening doing logic puzzles. Suddenly, all was well with the world.

As cliche as it may sound, good customer service can really brighten somebody's day. I didn't believe it until something as simple as finding a heat blanket turned the entire day around for me.

First rejection

It came in the form of a slim white envelope and was from a school that had yet to send me a secondary. Without even opening the letter I knew I was being rejected.

But it was my reaction to their decision that surprised me: I was completely at peace with this result. It was a top 10 school and while my MCAT was in line with their median, my GPA was woefully low (as it is for 95% of the schools I'm applying to...stupid undergrad!). All in all, my chances were really slim anyways and I wasn't really set on going there, so I guess I wasn't too invested in the result. That, and not even being offered a secondary didn't bode well for me and kind of set me up to expect rejection.

On the other hand, when I dreamt about being rejected from my in-state/DREAM school before even being offered an interview, I kinda sorta panicked when I finally woke up. I really hope I at least get a shot at interviewing, because I'm amazing at interviews.

All in all, I'm slowly starting to freak out a bit about this application process. Quotes like these from SDN don't help:

It sent a pretty strong message to the students to apply early (and also let them know what "early" meant -- basically be "complete" by the end of August and you're good as there is no difference in chances b/w June, July and August, but if you wait 'til September, your chances are basically cut down by like 1/3 and then another 1/3 by October with just a couple percent chance if you're complete in November and no chance after that).

That's because I wasn't "complete" at most schools until early to mid September and I need all the help I can get. I know I should've slacked a little bit less but I'm terrible when there aren't any hard deadlines and that's the best I could do.

So yes, I know it's early in the application season and I know people who apply when I've applied still get into medical school, but I'm not a regular applicant and it scares me that my procrastination will result in me having to reapply. And if I do have to reapply, the only thing I can really do to significantly improve my application is submit it earlier. That's not a convincing application argument.

Ay ay ay!

That God-awful MCAT

Note: This is the first in a series of posts rehashing the beginning of my summer.

My MCAT was finally scheduled for May 19th at 8 AM and since it was about an hour away from my house, I stayed at a friend's place closer to the test site.

I'm a night owl and rarely fall asleep before 2 AM so although I'd been trying to get myself to wake up early in the mornings leading up to the MCAT, I just couldn't do it and thus got only about 3 hours of sleep before the test. I'm used to doing important things on little sleep so I wasn't too worried about it, but I think it may have influenced how my day was going to go.

Long story short, I thought I bombed it. As I walked out of the exam room I began praying for a 30, which is a far cry from the 33-36 I was expecting based on my practice scores. I had mistimed the Physical Sciences section so I was rushed towards the end and Biological Sciences just kicked my butt and bruised my ego.

Here's an excerpt about the BS section from an unpublished post I wrote the next day titled "Picking up the pieces":

Biological Sciences - Oh boy. This section reduced me to a pile of tears. Well, not during the exam, but immediately after. There were a couple of ridiculously hard sections that I just couldn't comprehend. I read them over and over again and I wasn't getting anything out of them. I don't think more time would've helped either. The worst part was that all the questions relied entirely on info from the passage and so I couldn't even reason my way through it with my background knowledge. More than a few discretes had me scratching my head and essentially guessing randomly, and that hasn't happened on any of my practice tests. It's very disconcerting.

A note about my feelings, also from that unpublished post:

I walked out of that exam honestly in tears. I am not much of a crier so this had clearly been a kick to the balls. I felt like all the hard work I had put into studying for this had been for naught and I had just killed any chance I have of getting into medical school this cycle. But at the same time, I don't think any more studying would've helped much. I may've gotten a couple more discretes correct in the Biological Sciences (BS) but I still would've been killed by two of those passages.

And my thoughts about voiding the results, again from that post:

If I hadn't been leaving the country on Tuesday [three days after the MCAT], I would've totally voided the exam and tried again in a month. Although, I don't think I had another month of studying left in me. I was pretty done by the end of it, so maybe that wouldn't have made a difference either.

On the bright side of things, two out of the four people taking the exam had massive computer failures in that their screens froze for over an hour. Maybe it's because I had people praying for me on two continents, but luckily that didn't happen to me. I don't know how I would've handled that, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been pretty.

Anywhos, I gave myself one day to mope and feel sorry about the whole situation, and mope I did. I held back tears at the baby shower I went to after the test and couldn't speak about the exam without welling up. It was BAD.

I had organized a paintballing excursion for the next day, which was great planning since it totally got my mind off everything. And then I started packing for my Asian adventure that I was leaving for three days after my MCAT. Again, good way to take my mind off things.

Paintball: The perfect post-MCAT stress relief.

The issues, emotions, and events that occurred during my international medical relief mission with the U.S. Navy were enough to keep me even more distracted while waiting for my score to come in (that's a post for another day). So all in all I really only suffered from this experience for about 24 hours.

But I am so glad I never have to go through that again because it's a complete mind-*&^#. Well, that is, until Step 1 rolls around in 3 years.

And now onto the score I received on the day I set foot in the United States again, which I checked at the tail end of a 48 hour journey home that included lost passport scares (plural), a death on an airplane, and a subsequent rescheduled flight. All in all, not ideal circumstances to deal with the feelings of getting my MCAT score back. But again, that's a post for another day.

Without further ado, ta da!

Click to enlarge.

Apparently I do really well when I'm not firing on all cylinders.

P.S. In my original unpublished (for a reason) mopy post, I did a breakdown of each section of the MCAT. Here is what I had to say about the writing part. Pop culture for the win!

Writing Section (?) - I don't even know what this section is officially called, so that shows you how much I prepared for it before the real thing. It was pretty straight-forward and kind of fun, actually. I channeled a bit of Jon Stewart in that I used a Nazi example for one of my responses. I was laughing on the inside the whole time.

Quasi done-zo

I've finished up my secondary applications* (finally!) except for a few that I'm only doing to appease my mother, most of which I have absolutely no chance of being admitted to. Turning them in this late doesn't help in that respect but I told her I'd apply so I have to get them done eventually. And I don't particularly want to attend these schools in the first place so that's another reason not to get too worked up about most definitely being rejected without even an interview.**

Anywhos, remember my confidence about getting admitted this year? That's all about gone at this point because of the tardiness at being "complete" at all my schools.***

I'm actually starting to freak out a bit about possibly not getting in because so many people already have interview invites and/or have attended interviews and all I have is one measly email saying I've been moved to a "pool of applicants who potentially will be invited to interview with us."

That's not very hope-inducing but it does mean that the letter of recommendation I was worried about turned out to be pretty spectacular. It was either going to sink my application or make it (no in betweens) and I'm glad that it was the latter.

I don't know how I would've answered "How have you improved your application since the last time you submitted?" if I had to reapply. Umm...not piss off my letter-writer within a week of asking him to write it? I don't think that explanation would fly.

Also, pardon all the stars here but I'm using this post as a not-very-well-organized explanation of the medical school application process to people not familiar with it.

Lastly, here's the most recent Facebook meme I found hilarious:

If T. Rex had just one wish, he'd wish he could cuddle.

(Full disclosure: It's not the most recent, but the cleanest. I have one up my sleeve that's not exactly politically correct. I'll save it for when I'm feeling particularly feisty.)

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*For the non-medical school folk, after submitting the primary application that consists of a personal statement and description of extracurricular activities to the medical school application black hole, each school you have applied to can choose to send you a secondary/supplemental application that requires paying another fee but also often requires writing essays about greatest challenges, moral and ethical dilemmas, or your prized possessions. This has been the greatest hang-up for me because I absolutely hate formal writing that needs to put me in the best possible light.

**If schools really like you, they invite you for an interview. You can't get in without one. The earlier you get your application in, the better your chances of being asked to interview. And the earlier your interview, the more likely you'll be admitted (at most schools, at least).

***Being "complete" means having your MCAT scores and secondary/supplemental application submitted, paying the application fee for that specific school, and having all your letters of recommendation ready.

Existential crisis

One of my secondary applications asks, "If you couldn’t be a health professional, what occupation would you choose?" Simple enough, right? Wrong!

It derailed my entire afternoon.

I got to thinking about all the other careers I thought would be fun and cool and how medicine sucks the life out of you with its years of training and stress. And although I could do a lot with an MD even if I didn't end up working in a hospital or similar capacity, I couldn't figure out if the whole MD thing was worth it.

Then I stepped away from the romanticized view of my life, thought about it logically, and looked for themes within all these jobs.

Here's the deal. I love working with people. I love science. I love working within a group. And I love doing something that improves someone else's life. The problem with these criteria is that they can be applied to jobs that have nothing to do with medicine. And that's where the existential crisis comes into play.

But when I really think about it and stop considering escapist thoughts, medicine fits quite well with everything. No matter what job I decide to pursue, I will be busting my butt for the next 10+ years if I want the level of success I hope for. So I may as well be doing something I've been dreaming about since high school, the only thing that truly fulfills me, and stop being a wuss about making a commitment. Because ultimately that is what is causing all this fear.

And here's another question from this application that I just can't figure out an answer to: "What is your most prized possession?"

I can write a killer essay about moral dilemmas, being humbled, or overcoming a challenge, but for the life of me I just cannot think of a prized possession. Honestly, if my house was burning down, there is nothing I would run inside to rescue. Can I just say that I'm a minimalist?

And on a completely unrelated note, late late Monday night I was sitting on the couch watching "The Big Bang Theory" when I heard what sounded like a rabid dog attacking something that squeeled very loudly just outside my window. A normal person would go outside to chase it away. I ran upstairs and climbed into my roommate's bed. Yup, I'm fearless.

It turns out a mountain lion had eaten a neighborhood cat and was killed two blocks away by the animal control people because it had no fear of humans. So maybe it's a good thing I have an irrational fear of wildlife.

Fire under my butt

I've been sitting on my secondary applications much longer than I care to admit and I have finally found the urgency to get them done. I didn't realize just how long I'd been putting them off until I realized that it's almost September. Yikes!

So I've given myself a deadline of Thursday to get them all submitted. That puts me well beyond the arbitrary two weeks that people suggest but before the "late" crowd, so I've been told. Regardless, there is no way I can get them done any faster at this point (I'm already struggling with writing this much) so there's really no need to stress any more than I already am.

Regret seems to be my modus operandi and the way I choose to live my life, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that that feeling is becoming a major theme in this application cycle. Mostly it's regret at taking so long to fill things out that actually don't take that much time. But a lot of the regret stems from my college years o' fun, which I don't regret at the same time, so I kind of feel like I break even.

Anywhos, on a brighter and more analytical note, I did submit my secondary a couple of weeks ago to the one school I REALLY want to get into. So that one was relatively on time. The main reason why I haven't been quick about the rest of these is because I honestly don't care where I end up, short of the #1 school. So if I don't get into some school because I submitted my secondary 10 days later* than I had originally planned, I won't be too torn up about it since it didn't really have that soft spot in my heart.

Maybe I need to stop being so cocky about this whole application process. I don't know for sure that I'll be getting in anywhere so I should be maximizing my chances at each of the schools to which I'm applying. But for some reason I'm lacking in the motivation department. A rejection or two from a "safety" school would probably help with that, but I don't really want to wish that upon myself just to make me more efficient.

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*Another coping mechanism I'm using is that my committee letter wasn't ready until August 17th, so even if I had submitted secondaries prior to that, my application wouldn't have been considered until then. So I'm really only about 10 days behind at this point, which in the grand scheme of things isn't that bad.

If you can't tell, I can make myself feel better about these types of things by convincing myself it had to be that way. It's a pretty effective coping mechanism.

What I'm currently thinking about

With my primary application being verified any day now resulting in a flood of secondaries I have yet to even begin, I should be focusing on getting into a writing mode to churn these babies out. I should be worried about the length of time it'll take my pre-med committee to send in my committee letter to the medical schools so I can finally be considered for interviews. And I should be bummed that I am no longer "early" in the application process, and thus my chances of acceptance are a bit lower than I would like them to be.

Instead, I'm stressing over where the creator and writer of my new favorite TV show "White Collar" are taking the series and whether it'll be around for a few more seasons because it is just plain AWESOME. I can't wait for August 14th not because I will be that much closer to having a complete application at the medical schools to which I'm applying, but because that's when the next episode of "White Collar" will air.

Priorities, right?

P.S. "White Collar" is an amazing TV show about a con man who now works for the FBI agent who caught him. It basically picks up where the movie "Catch Me If You Can" (with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks) left off and runs with it. The con man and FBI agent have amazing chemistry, there are plenty of hilarious one-liners, and it's just very smartly written. The main character is ridiculously pretty (Matt Bomer from "Magic Mike" plays the con man) and the story lines are engaging. In short, it's a winning show and you should definitely start watching it.

Just start with the pilot and you'll be hooked.

Back to work and nothing to do

Today was the first day of work after a 2-month vacation. You read that correctly. With the exception of the week it took me to finish my medical school application, I haven't done anything productive in 2 whole months. It was glorious.

So now it's back to the grind, except it's not really a grind at all. I didn't put in my "I want to work more hours" notice early enough so I have another month of 10 hours/week employment until it really picks up in September. (I had gone down to those hours this spring semester because I just couldn't hack my schedule of classes + MCAT + medical school applicating + volunteering + shadowing + work.)

Without half of those obligations, I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself. Even if I go back up to 40 hours at work, I'm still not going to know what to do. There are just way too many hours in the day right now.

Any suggestions for what to do with my time? Take up underwater basket-weaving, maybe?

P.S. Because I actually have to be productive now, I will need to procrastinate as well hence this blog post. As a result, you can expect some catch-up posts to fill in the bullet point summary of my goings on.

World Cup words of inspiration

When I get overwhelmed about the mountain I have to climb to get accepted to medical school (my undergrad grades are shite), I find articles like this inspiring. This is the Italian soccer coach talking about playing Germany, addressing the fact that everyone has pegged Germany to win.

When the Coach was reminded that Germany are younger, unbeaten in 15, score more goals, had two further days to rest and are the tournament favourites, he joked with the journalist asking the question.

“So we should just go home now, then? No, it just means that playing this game will be even more intriguing than it already would be."

“At this moment we are very relaxed and want to put into practice everything we’ve done so far. I think difficulties make challenges more fascinating.”

"Prandelli revealed he had taken a nap before the England game, showing how calm he was going into that quarter-final."

“I must confess I had a bit of a half-hour today, though I’m a little ashamed to admit it. When I close my eyes and dream, I dream fantastic things. I hope to dream of a magical and marvellous night."