Existential crisis

One of my secondary applications asks, "If you couldn’t be a health professional, what occupation would you choose?" Simple enough, right? Wrong!

It derailed my entire afternoon.

I got to thinking about all the other careers I thought would be fun and cool and how medicine sucks the life out of you with its years of training and stress. And although I could do a lot with an MD even if I didn't end up working in a hospital or similar capacity, I couldn't figure out if the whole MD thing was worth it.

Then I stepped away from the romanticized view of my life, thought about it logically, and looked for themes within all these jobs.

Here's the deal. I love working with people. I love science. I love working within a group. And I love doing something that improves someone else's life. The problem with these criteria is that they can be applied to jobs that have nothing to do with medicine. And that's where the existential crisis comes into play.

But when I really think about it and stop considering escapist thoughts, medicine fits quite well with everything. No matter what job I decide to pursue, I will be busting my butt for the next 10+ years if I want the level of success I hope for. So I may as well be doing something I've been dreaming about since high school, the only thing that truly fulfills me, and stop being a wuss about making a commitment. Because ultimately that is what is causing all this fear.

And here's another question from this application that I just can't figure out an answer to: "What is your most prized possession?"

I can write a killer essay about moral dilemmas, being humbled, or overcoming a challenge, but for the life of me I just cannot think of a prized possession. Honestly, if my house was burning down, there is nothing I would run inside to rescue. Can I just say that I'm a minimalist?

And on a completely unrelated note, late late Monday night I was sitting on the couch watching "The Big Bang Theory" when I heard what sounded like a rabid dog attacking something that squeeled very loudly just outside my window. A normal person would go outside to chase it away. I ran upstairs and climbed into my roommate's bed. Yup, I'm fearless.

It turns out a mountain lion had eaten a neighborhood cat and was killed two blocks away by the animal control people because it had no fear of humans. So maybe it's a good thing I have an irrational fear of wildlife.

Fire under my butt

I've been sitting on my secondary applications much longer than I care to admit and I have finally found the urgency to get them done. I didn't realize just how long I'd been putting them off until I realized that it's almost September. Yikes!

So I've given myself a deadline of Thursday to get them all submitted. That puts me well beyond the arbitrary two weeks that people suggest but before the "late" crowd, so I've been told. Regardless, there is no way I can get them done any faster at this point (I'm already struggling with writing this much) so there's really no need to stress any more than I already am.

Regret seems to be my modus operandi and the way I choose to live my life, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that that feeling is becoming a major theme in this application cycle. Mostly it's regret at taking so long to fill things out that actually don't take that much time. But a lot of the regret stems from my college years o' fun, which I don't regret at the same time, so I kind of feel like I break even.

Anywhos, on a brighter and more analytical note, I did submit my secondary a couple of weeks ago to the one school I REALLY want to get into. So that one was relatively on time. The main reason why I haven't been quick about the rest of these is because I honestly don't care where I end up, short of the #1 school. So if I don't get into some school because I submitted my secondary 10 days later* than I had originally planned, I won't be too torn up about it since it didn't really have that soft spot in my heart.

Maybe I need to stop being so cocky about this whole application process. I don't know for sure that I'll be getting in anywhere so I should be maximizing my chances at each of the schools to which I'm applying. But for some reason I'm lacking in the motivation department. A rejection or two from a "safety" school would probably help with that, but I don't really want to wish that upon myself just to make me more efficient.

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*Another coping mechanism I'm using is that my committee letter wasn't ready until August 17th, so even if I had submitted secondaries prior to that, my application wouldn't have been considered until then. So I'm really only about 10 days behind at this point, which in the grand scheme of things isn't that bad.

If you can't tell, I can make myself feel better about these types of things by convincing myself it had to be that way. It's a pretty effective coping mechanism.

What I'm currently thinking about

With my primary application being verified any day now resulting in a flood of secondaries I have yet to even begin, I should be focusing on getting into a writing mode to churn these babies out. I should be worried about the length of time it'll take my pre-med committee to send in my committee letter to the medical schools so I can finally be considered for interviews. And I should be bummed that I am no longer "early" in the application process, and thus my chances of acceptance are a bit lower than I would like them to be.

Instead, I'm stressing over where the creator and writer of my new favorite TV show "White Collar" are taking the series and whether it'll be around for a few more seasons because it is just plain AWESOME. I can't wait for August 14th not because I will be that much closer to having a complete application at the medical schools to which I'm applying, but because that's when the next episode of "White Collar" will air.

Priorities, right?

P.S. "White Collar" is an amazing TV show about a con man who now works for the FBI agent who caught him. It basically picks up where the movie "Catch Me If You Can" (with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks) left off and runs with it. The con man and FBI agent have amazing chemistry, there are plenty of hilarious one-liners, and it's just very smartly written. The main character is ridiculously pretty (Matt Bomer from "Magic Mike" plays the con man) and the story lines are engaging. In short, it's a winning show and you should definitely start watching it.

Just start with the pilot and you'll be hooked.