Resentment

These last few weeks have been rough, school- and stress-wise. I have a lot to do and my future is riding on how I perform on these finals and the MCAT. As such, I've been physically and mentally holed up in my room or in the office trying to be productive so I can be awesome, while everyone around me seemingly doesn't have a care in the world.

Take Cinco de Mayo, for example. I had a biochemistry final at 7:30pm that night, so I was trying to cram in the last details of random mechanisms and regulatory pathways before the exam.

What were my neighbors doing?

This:

That is indeed a living room in the yard, complete with a showing of "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" on one TV and a Super Nintendo console with Super Mario on the other.

I, too, am in this photo taking a study break, but I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy the "holiday" as it should be celebrated. It's hard to have that kind of fun with an exam looming over my head in a couple of hours.

(Side note: What is it with finals/exams on major rugby holidays? An evening final on Cinco de Mayo and another evening exam on St. Patrick's Day? Blasphemy!)

I know that the path towards medicine isn't the easiest one to take and there will be plenty more times when I just can't live as carefree a life as the people around me. This was a major reason for dropping the pre-med thing in undergrad and pursuing a different career. But in going back to school for pre-med prerequisites, I realized I'd much rather work hard in medicine than work a little less hard at a job that doesn't ignite the same passion in me as medicine does. That was (and is) my choice and I think it's definitely the right one for me.

This also isn't to say that medicine is the only profession where one has to sacrifice some things for a successful career. My friends bust their butts during the week to make this sort of relaxing Saturday a possibility, and they are often out of town on weekends for work. So it's not all unicorns and rainbows for them either.

But, that doesn't mean I can't feel a little resentment and jealousy once in a while.