Supported

There is no way matching would've been possible without everyone's support, both from the medical community and outside of it.

I'm also so incredibly thankful for your anonymous comments, cheers, and prayers from afar. Despite not knowing most of you in real life, your virtual support has not gone unnoticed. Things have been pretty dark for me for the past few years, and your belief in me kept me going when all hope seemed to be lost. I truly appreciate you for sticking with me and offering your thoughts over the years.

I have been showered with more love and support these last few weeks (and even in the weeks leading up to Match Day) than I could've ever anticipated and there is no way I could ever repay it.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

---

As a sidenote:
I bought this mug last year when I was in a huge funk as a reminder to keep trying despite all the setbacks. (It also perfectly exemplifies my stubborn personality.). It never failed to put a smile on my face, even during the most stressful and hopeless times.

Now it's a reminder of what I have accomplished and how determined I can be when I set my mind to accomplish something. Story of my life. Now, not only does it bring me happiness, but also immense pride for accomplishing the seemingly impossible. Success is the sweetest revenge, as they say, and tea tastes so much better when coupled with that.

Third time's the charm!

I can't believe I didn't post this sooner, but the email I had been waiting for for years, finally arrived (more than two weeks ago now).

(I recognize the timing of this post may be a little suspect, but I assure you, this is no joke.)

It's taken a long time for it to sink in, but finally two weeks later, I think I've finally accepted that this is real. For the week or so after matching, I had to keep repeating to myself that I had matched. Seriously. I didn't think this was ever going to happen, so it was so surreal to have finally gotten in. Even now, though, it's still so strange to think that in 6 years time, I will be an orthopaedic surgeon.*

It's mostly strange to have an end goal, a finish line, a concrete timeline. I have lived in this migratory purgatory for so long, not knowing what the next year will bring and having to constantly move to keep chasing opportunities, that it's strange to have stability for the foreseeable future.

I'm going to be in one place for 5 years (!!!), with the same people who will be invested in training me and helping me become the best damn surgeon I can be.

Over the years, getting to do orthopaedic surgery had become this vague idea that I wasn't sure was actually going to happen, like this elusive thing that was always just out of reach. But now it's real, concrete, and so incredibly (but pleasantly) strange.

Oh, and I don't have to move. I matched at the program where I'm doing research. Woohoo!

---
* I'm anticipating doing a 1-year fellowship, like the vast majority of orthopods these days, hence the extra year of training.

Denial

Tomorrow is Match Monday, the beginning of Match Week, round number 3 for me. Honestly, it feels like any other day and I've had to put it into my calendar otherwise I'd forget the big occasion.

This is in stark contrast to the first (or even second) Match Monday, when I had a countdown on my phone, was constantly thinking about it, and had to actively distract myself with other things.

This time around, I keep forgetting that it's so soon...as in, tomorrow.

I think part of it is due to being desensitized from the previous times I've had to go through this. None of the experiences have been positive, and have in fact been pretty traumatic. This process has become routine (apply, interview, wait) and the outcome will probably be the same, so the element of surprise has worn off.

I also can't believe it's already March because this year has been gone by so quickly! With every passing week, I have looked forward to the weekend where I could explore my new surroundings and enjoy having 2 days off each week that I could fill however I wanted (such a foreign concept to me, which is sad in its own way). The passage of time has been a pleasure and there hasn't been anything I've dreaded like I had in previous years. It's been a nice, positive change.

This whole process doesn't feel real, either, since I'm so far removed from the residency application process in that I'm not surrounded by people talking about it all the time, like I was as an MS4. It's a cloud that hangs over me constantly, but is rarely talked about since most of the people I work with don't understand the process and everyone else has bigger things to worry about. So it's odd that it's actually happening.

In short, I'm in super denial about the email I'm going to get in about 12 hours that will change everything or nothing, depending on how the cookie crumbles, as my boss put it.

Hopefully it'll be good news this time around. Fingers crossed.

Hope

I got an interview invitation! Holy crap, I didn't think this was actually going to happen but here we are.

There are many reasons to be excited about this, but mostly it means that my general surgery program director didn't completely screw me over with his letter of recommendation. I had been worried about what it would say because the month I rotated on his service, everything went to hell.

There was one particularly bad week where on Wednesday, the home ortho program told me flat out they wouldn't match me, on Friday my dad called to say his cancer had reappeared, and the following Wednesday I got into a car accident and couldn't get my car fixed because I was on day 3 of working 12 days straight. So I was way off my game.

To top it all off, my chief (my PD's pet) and I got in a tiff that unnecessarily spiraled out of control.* To say I didn't make a good impression on my PD during that month is an incredible understatement. As such, I'm pleasantly surprised that the letter didn't turn out to be ruinous, and in fact, got me an interview.

I'm also very relieved to get the invitation from this particular program. I had become convinced that I had forgotten to apply there because it's listed under a different name on ERAS. I was beating myself up about overlooking them because they have a baller research opportunity for people who don't match, and I figured it'd be hard to explain that I wanted to do research with them when I didn't apply to their program in the first place. Luckily, that is not the case and not only did I apply there, but now I'm even interviewing for a PGY1 spot!

All in all, I'm incredibly happy that one program is willing to take a chance on me. My program is also being really good about giving me time off to travel, so not only do I get to go to the pre-interview dinner, but afterwards, I get to hang out with friends I have in the area. It'll be really nice to see old friends and get some time off from this general surgery nonsense, and hopefully recharge.

And I'm super excited that all my eggs aren't in one basket. I kinda sorta maybe have options. There's hope!

---
* It started as me asking him to stop being an ass to me, but more importantly, to tell me when people were being admitted from the OR and to communicate their post-op plans. He really didn't appreciate me "telling him how to do his job" and was very vocal about it. Our conversation turned into a yelling match (mostly him yelling at me) and ended with me crying in my program director's office explaining everything that was going wrong in my life that week (as mentioned above).

The whole situation was no bueno and the timing couldn't have been any worse as I had just asked my program director to write me a letter of recommendation.

Funk again

I feel like I start all posts the same way by saying things have been rough. I'm in the midst of orthopaedics interview invitations going out, and as expected, I'm coming up empty. I suspected this was going to be the case, but it's still very hard to see that I was right in my pessimism.

One of the programs that "ranked me very highly" last year and where I did an away last fall, sent out their invitations last week and I didn't get one. I wasn't very surprised because if they didn't want me last year, they probably weren't going to want me this year. But it was also my only other "real" shot at getting an interview this season and it's rough to know that now my options are even slimmer at matching ortho this year.

Additionally, my prelim home ortho program told me that it is "very unlikely" that I'll match with them, mostly because of my Step 1 score. I was hoping the programs that got to know me, either from aways or from this prelim, would be able to overlook my Step 1 and see that I'm a hard-working resident that gets along with everyone, because I knew my application would be screened out due to my scores. But it doesn't look to be the case and I'm really worried that I'll go unmatched again this year.

Somewhat understandably, I'm in an incredibly deep funk that I can't seem to get out of. I'm back to crying in inappropriate situations, such as at work, and shutting down to the point that I don't have the mental energy to do basic things such as clean, cook, or do laundry. I'm fully functional at the hospital and am surprisingly still kicking butt at my job (with a few teary exceptions), but that's about where my mental strength ends. Everyone keeps telling me to stay positive and keep my chin up, but it's really hard to be optimistic when I literally have ZERO interviews and thus no hope of doing what I'm passionate about.

What keeps me going is the fact that I'll be with my family in 8 days for vacation and it couldn't come at a more perfect time. I need the break from work, but more importantly, I need a hug. No matter what age I am, a hug from Mom makes everything better, even if only temporarily.

2014 application cycle in a nutshell

Since it's pretty much decided where I'll be going to medical school, I figured it's time for the second edition of "My application cycle in a nutshell". The first edition can be found here.

2014 application cycle, by the numbers:

• 27 - Schools to which I applied
• 26 - Schools from which I received a secondary
• 22 - Secondaries I submitted
• 7/5 - Interviews offered/interviews attended
• 4 - Waitlists
• 1 - Acceptances
• 4 - Rejections (all waitlists turned into rejections)
• 6/11 - AMCAS submitted
• 7/2 - AMCAS verified
• 7/4 - Earliest date my application was complete at a school
• 9/6 - Last date my application was complete at a school

All in all, I am satisfied with how this process ended up for me. It would've been nice to have gotten accepted to more than one school and had some sort of a choice. After-all, I still have some pride left over after two very humbling application cycles. On the other hand, I suck at making decisions for myself, so maybe it's better this way.

Honestly, though, after looking into schools in more depth, there are only one or two schools I would have considered attending over School E. I was waitlisted at one that was a complete reach for me (School A), so I got close but no cigar. The others I viewed through rose-colored glasses so I don't actually know if I would've been happier elsewhere.

Regardless, I am incredibly grateful to have an acceptance, especially to a medical school that I am so excited to attend. I couldn't have done this without the help and support of family, friends, and even strangers I met online. It is so humbling to know that so many people rallied behind me and allowed me to achieve what seemed like a pipe dream at times.

Maybe I'll write up a more detailed post about what got me accepted this time, but if I don't then the short version is the following:

1. Earlier primary application and thus earlier secondary submissions
2. Tailoring my secondary essay answers to the mission of each school
3. Putting on my happy, joyful, enthusiastic face during interviews and selling myself shamelessly

House hunting

A couple of weeks ago I went down to City E to look at apartments/houses to sign a lease for the next year. Boy, was it stressful! My current roommate and best friend (F) who's moving down there with me accompanied me on this trip.

We flew in Thursday night and spent all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday looking at places. We ended up touring 23 apartments, duplexes, and houses, and they ranged from nice properties to slum houses. We found most of the places on craigslist, hence the huge range in quality, but we also worked with a realtor to look at some others.

Our outlook about this whole process changed hourly. We were hopeful and happy thinking of all the awesome places we planned to see, only for them to have something terribly wrong (awful neighborhood, weird landlord, cockroaches, etc.). Up until Sunday morning, we had found a few places we would be okay living in but were not thrilled about. It was very discouraging.

Sunday turned out really well, though, by that night we narrowed our list down to three places we could see ourselves living, à la House Hunters style (my second favorite show on HGTV, right behind House Hunters International).

House 1 - Beautiful house, questionable neighborhood

I fell in love with this place as soon as I walked in. Bright and big rooms, tall ceilings, very open and airy. Lots of history. It was also in the more happening part of town where a lot of other med and grad students live, in an area that is more reminiscent of the character of City E and what it's known for.

However, a couple of blocks away was a questionable part of town and the current tenant said that every once in a while you hear of people getting mugged. The unit was the right half of this house as you're looking at the picture, so the ground floor had bars in the windows. Umm...no. I'm moving from six years in a bubble. I wasn't sure if I wanted to worry about putting my nice TV in the front room because someone might see it and want to break in. The house was AWESOME, though. Not perfect by any means because it was over 100-years-old, but great in the old-house-charm sort of way.


House 2 - Good neighborhood, awful layout

I really wanted to love this place because it was huge, kind of in our budget, and located in the "safe" part of City E (that is, as close to a suburb feel as you can get there). It was a 2-bedroom 1500 sq. ft. apartment occupying the second floor of a nice house, with ginormous bedrooms and an extra study space off one of them.

BUT (and this is a big one), the kitchen was tiny. It was so small that I couldn't figure out where we would put the microwave on the counter. On the other hand, it had a fairly large formal dining room off to the side of it, so the space was there. It was the planning that was off. Also, only two of the windows in the entire house opened, the stairs to the backyard led to the front of the house so you had to walk all the way around the property, and stuff like that. It was just weird and didn't feel natural.


House 3 - Good neighborhood, meh house

This place was just around the corner from House 2, so same neighborhood and similar style. Like House 2, it was the second floor unit with 2 bedrooms, but only 1000 square feet. Unlike House 2, it had a very open layout where the living room opened into the dining room, followed by the kitchen and stairs to the backyard. There were lots of windows (that opened!) and natural light everywhere, which is what I really loved about House 1 as well.

My beef with this place was that it was a step down from our current apartment, and I really wanted to improve my housing. The bedrooms were smaller, as was the backyard. There were window units, like I mentioned, instead of central air.* The neighborhood didn't have anything happening in it with regards to nature and trees and people. The lots in front and to the side of the house were empty and the neighbor on the other side used his home as a vacation house, so it seemed rather dead. It had a very suburban feel, which I don't like too much.

Mostly, I felt very claustrophobic when I was inside and didn't know where I would put my desk because I really like studying at home. When we were actually in the house, it didn't feel too bad, but I think I remember it much smaller than it actually is.

Lastly, the landlady was around our age and really fun to talk to so we'd have an immediate friend when we moved there. She seemed on top of everything and really cared about fixing up the place, telling us she'd replace the stairs leading to the backyard before we moved in, as well as building a fence in the backyard so we'd have our own space and she hers. I would've much rather had her install central air to replace the window units she currently had or update the appliances in the kitchen, but it's not my house so I don't make those decisions.

---

So what'd we go with? House? Location? Layout?

We chose neighborhood over house, and picked the more suitable of our options: House 3.

The neighborhood is actually perfect for me, even though I'm still in denial about that. Here's why:

• 3 miles from two yacht clubs (hurray sailing!)
• 1 mile from City E's equivalent of Central Park
• 3 blocks from lots of restaurants and bars, blocks I feel safe walking through

I keep thinking that I should live in the center of all the hustle and bustle of City E because it's so awesome and I should really experience it during my time there. But then I remind myself that I like visiting cities instead of living in them and I'm 10 minutes from the center of City E. That's not far at all.

Most importantly, I really won't have that much time to experience and enjoy my neighborhood because I'll have my nose stuck in a book. So feeling safe and comfortable with where I'm living is the most important thing to consider.

The main source of my disappointment is that, like I mentioned in a previous post, I was really excited to move up in the world of housing and not live in a shit-hole anymore. Unfortunately, I believe House 3 in City E is a step-down in certain ways, a step-up in others, so on average I'm moving laterally and not up. I'm comforted by the fact that the lease is only for one year so I can move next July (although I was really hoping I wouldn't have to) and our landlady lives below us, is our age, and is generally awesome to hang out with.

All in all, it won't be too bad. I just have to suck it up for one more year and maybe find a better place next summer. Or I could end up falling in love with our house and staying there all four years of medical school. You never know.

Below are some pictures of the interior of House 3. It's actually pretty nice.

Looking from the front porch through the living and dining room, to the kitchen.

The kitchen. Entrance on the left leads to the dining room.

One of the bedrooms. It looks smaller than it is.

Edited to add:
I just looked over a post I wrote before going to City E to sign a lease which lists out my requirements for a new place. House 3 has met all of the must-haves and would-like-to-haves. Geez, I really am being a brat about this new place.

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*While my current housing situation has neither central air nor window units, all the places in City E have one or the other. I would prefer to have central air because it's nicer and quieter, and thus a step up in my HVAC experience. Oh well. You can't have everything, especially when you only have five days to look for a place to live in a city you don't know at all.

Accepted medical student panel for pre-med students

I participated in a panel for pre-med students at the local university where the pre-meds could ask accepted students anything they wanted about the application process. I figured as a non-traditional reapplicant, I would have a unique viewpoint on the whole process.

Little did I know that my story is not that uncommon. Of the first 5 people who introduced themselves, 4 were non-traditional reapplicants, though none as old as me. The rest of the 15-20 panelists were either traditional students or kids (yes, they're young) who had taken a gap year to screw around. Not many of the pre-med attendees were non-traditionals so I didn't really help anyone out too much, but I like to believe that my more mature (ha!) attitude about the whole process calmed their nerves a bit.

Most of the questions were about the MCAT: How did you study? Did you get any sleep the night before? When is the best time to take it? There were also questions about choosing medical schools, the incredible debt we're about to incur, and terrible interview questions.

I was one of the few who had studied for the MCAT on my own and had also chosen my list of schools based on geography, among other things. Everyone else had cookie-cutter applications, which I guess is more in line with what the people attending the panel would look like on paper.

The "worst interview question" brought me back to that terrible experience back in November when I completely failed an ethical question. By the time I was able to get a word in (these panelists really liked to talk!) the answers had changed from anecdotes to general interview advice.

Instead of recounting the ethical scenario from hell, I talked about how my interviewer had pointed out every single bad grade I had ever gotten to start off the interview ("To say you did poorly in undergrad is an understatement. A C- in bio, a D+ in ochem, and a D- in anthropology, among other things..."). I then discussed how it made me feel really low even though I'm not ashamed of those grades. It's a part of my past that I freely discuss with others. But the way he put it was very accusatory and I had not experienced being attacked for my GPA before so it caught me off-guard.

The moral of that story was to tell the applicants to do a mock interview with someone they don't know who will grill them on any part of the application that is even a tiny bit weak, or something they are insecure about. The chances of getting such an asshole for an interviewer are very small, but it does happen and you want to be prepared for it.

Some panelists were saying that studying for the MCAT was an all-encompassing ordeal where you have to think and study for the test all the time. I completely disagree with that and made sure to say that although you definitely need to make time for school, you also need an outlet as well as a motivator. The road to becoming a physician is long and overwhelming, so having a reminder of why you're doing this is incredibly important, as is having some sort of work-life balance.

For me, the outlet was rugby. Every Saturday morning was my rugby time and school was not even on my mind for those few hours. Volunteering in the hospital, on the other hand, was the thing that reminded me of my ultimate goal in all this, and kept my eye on the prize when having my nose in a book for months at a time seemed so depressing and pointless. This definitely hit home with at least one person who was completely defeated about the process of getting into medical school, so I'm glad I interjected.

The rest of the panel was rather uneventful. Answers dragged on way too long and were repetitive because everyone wanted to get a word in. I wish we could've led the discussion in that we could focus attention on the most important and stressful aspects of the application cycle, like writing bunches of secondary essays in a months' time, dealing with waiting and the unknown, and how to tailor interview answers to the schools' mission statements.

Instead, the pre-med students asked questions about things that to them seemed like a big deal (as they did to me when I was in their shoes) but in fact were less significant for people who had gone through the whole application process. On the other hand, I'm sure there are presentations during other times of the year for those things and pre-med students rarely get to ask their peers any question they want in an informal setting. So this panel appears to have served its purpose.

As for the panelists, of course there was the kid who showed up in scrubs, wouldn't stop giving terrible advice, and didn't hesitate to announce that he graduated 1.5 years early. Congrats, buddy! You think you know everything, but you haven't lived.

The non-trads in the corner (because of course we showed up last) had a peanut gallery going every time he spoke and towards the end of the panel we'd just talk over him to negate whatever bad answer he had given without even waiting for him to finish. I love how all of us older folk can see through the bullshit and have no qualms about offering an unpopular perspective on things. We're just trying to be real.

It was really weird to be on the other side of the whole medical school application process. It's taken me so long to get accepted, with the two-year post-bacc and two application cycles, that it still doesn't seem real that I'll be starting school in less than three months. Things like this, though, hammer it home. I'm so incredibly excited!

Prepping for the move

Now that we're nearly halfway through April, the reality of moving cross-country is beginning to set in. I've begun looking at craigslist to see what's out there and it's starting to stress me out. While City E (where School E is located) has a lower cost of living than my current locale, the renting market is just as tough and just as expensive.

I will have lived in my current house for six years and although it's not perfect, suffering through its imperfections is more appealing than contemplating a move. So I've stayed here despite the house being less than ideal. For example, the price can't be beat for its location, backyard, and layout. On the other hand, it's a glorified cardboard box: hot in the summers and cold in the winters. It has so little insulation that our candles flicker inside when there's wind outside, and during the annual cold snap we have half an inch of ice on the inside of our windows.

Our living room window a couple of years ago

Designs in the ice, on the inside of the window

So pretty, but so cold

Despite all these issues, I would love to find something similar to it in City E. I'm referring to its strengths: location, backyard, and layout. Insulation would be nice as well.

Long story short, there aren't that many places in City E within my current budget that also have all the things I want in a house. I've gotten to the point where I'd rather pay more and live comfortably (within reason) than continue living in a shithole. So the budget has increased to accommodate the things I can't be without.* Even so, listings are pretty sparse in City E.

This is why I'm stressed about finding a place. I'm only planning on being in City E for several days in June to sign a lease, so what are the chances of finding a semi-perfect house in that time? It's much easier to find something when I'm living in the city and can pounce on a craigslist posting as soon as a house becomes available.

I just really hope this all works out. The future roommate (a good friend who's moving to City E around the same time as I am) is not worried at all, as she's much more laid-back with regards to these things. Since I always have to have a Plan B, the other option is to move there with a month-to-month lease and continue looking for the first couple months of school for something better. I'd like to avoid that because I really hate moving (see evidence in photos above).

I'm so envious of the 22-24 year-old crowd that doesn't care where or with whom they live as long as they have a roof over their heads. I used to be there, but with age come standards and thus these kinds of dilemmas.

Moving cross-country and being old(er) suck!

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* My requirements for a house include the following:

• Relatively safe neighborhood (no need for bars in the windows)
• Patch of grass (front yard or backyard), doesn't need to be fenced
• 2+ bedrooms, average-sized
• Bathtub
• Decent-sized kitchen (two people can stand in it at one time)
• Dishwasher
• Ground floor, or higher but with an open and covered porch

Things that would be nice but not entirely necessary:

• Washer and dryer in the house, or at least W/D hookups
• Covered porch regardless of floor
• Walking distance to coffee shops and/or grocery stores
• Off-street parking

It's not over quite yet

I received an interview invitation recently, which was rather surprising since I thought my interview season was essentially over.

After getting accepted to School E last month, I had told myself that the only other interview invitations I would entertain would be ones from my local med school (former dream school) and maybe from schools located in a particular city.

As luck would have it, I got invited to interview at a school located in that city (City F). School F is not entirely in City F, but rather in a suburb located just outside of the city. For most people, this would be a drawback. But the past five years of living in a 'burb have taught me that I like the small town feel while having a big city close by. So this particular arrangement would work perfectly for me.

Other than that, School F isn't anything special. It's ranked at about the same level as School E and has a very similar curriculum. Additionally, the clinical and research opportunities between the two schools are comparable, meaning that the only thing differentiating it from School E is that it's located in an area I've wanted to live in for many years.

As you can tell, I'm not super duper excited about School F, but I can't bring myself to turn it down without seeing what it has to offer in person. I also really don't want to put on my interview face again. But, flights are cheap and if I were to get an interview at the local med school in the near future, this would serve as great practice to rock my (former) dream school interview, if I were to get one.

I guess I'm headed to the area that just recovered from the Polar Vortex. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I HATE winter. Hate.

Success is the sweetest revenge

When I came to terms with having to reapply to med school last year, I went to my pre-med advisor to ask her about amending my school list from the previous year. This is not the nice advisor I like going to but the one who I'm convinced really dislikes me. Unfortunately, she's the one who knows which medical schools prefer which kind of applicant (or so she says), so I had no choice.

The words, "You should not apply this cycle," "You are at a high risk of dropping out of medical school," and, "If I were an admissions committee member, I would not offer you an interview," all came out of her mouth during the course of our 30-minute meeting. She strongly suggested I take the year off to strengthen my application and apply during the next cycle instead. To say I was surprised would be a huge understatement.

She somewhat had a point. I hadn't done much of anything to improve my application in the year since I submitted the original one. The only real change I made was that I applied early instead of super late, which could be a game-changer in and of itself. But as Ms. D (for Debby Downer) pointed out, my lack of interviews last cycle could definitely be due to a weak application and not because of the tardiness of my submission.

I walked out of that meeting unsure of myself. I hadn't had my world rocked that hard in a very long time, thinking I was doing well when in fact I was told I suck. Part of me thinks she was unnecessarily harsh and didn't need to crush my dreams so much. But there was also some truth to her comments, meaning there was a chance I wasn't going to get accepted the second time around either, which at the time was rather disconcerting.

Now that I have been accepted to medical school, though, I am so glad I didn't let her words discourage me from applying this year. Additionally, I'm glad I didn't listen to her suggestions for my school list, because School E and two other schools I interviewed at this cycle would not have received my application.

In short, Ms. D can suck it. I'm going to medical school!

This is really happening!

I'm having wrist surgery soon (I hurt myself again) and as the surgeon and I were discussing my MRI at my pre-op appointment it hit me that in 10 years, I will be in my doctor's shoes: diagnosing patients and then operating on them.* In fact, in 5-6 years I'll be doing some sort of operating with supervision. That's absolutely terrifying.

Ten years is a long time and a lot can happen between now and then. But it's still scary to have a definitive time frame for when I'll be doing doctory things on my own. This is actually happening and it's no longer just a pipe dream. It's crazy.

Also, the highlight of this operation is that I'm just getting a nerve block** instead of general anesthesia so I'll be awake for the whole thing.

I kind of want to ask my surgeon if I can watch. It'll be like shadowing in the OR but better.

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*I'm not set on any particular specialty yet because I'm well aware that it can (and most likely will) change over the next several years. However, based on how I like to do things and the way I think, I'm pretty sure I'll end up in some sort of surgical specialty, or at the very least something heavily procedural.

** More specifically, I'm getting a Bier block, which in and of itself is pretty cool. They take all the blood out of your arm through the use of elastic bandages and gravity, and keep it out with pneumatic tourniquets. Then anesthetic is injected through an IV near the wrist and sets into the tissues for about 20 minutes, at which point the tourniquets are deflated and bloodflow returns to the arm. Or, if the procedure is short enough, then they leave the tourniquets on and operate in a bloodless field. So cool!

I've never been exsanguinated before. This might be my new "Two Thruths and a Lie" truth.

These are a few of my favorite specialties

I know it's way too early to lock myself into a specialty, but since I've been mentioning orthopedics on here a lot, I figured I'd talk about specialty choices more thoroughly.

I have no idea what I'll end up doing about four years from now, but I'm pretty sure I'll either be operating or doing lots of procedures. I'm a fixer and I like being able to see the products of my work.

I've taken a few "How to choose a specialty?" quizzes over the years and the following are nearly always in the top ten (in no particular order):

• Orthopedics
• ENT
• Pulmomary Medicine
• Surgery - General
• Radiology - Diagnostic
• Thoracic Surgery

I'm really curious to see where I'll end up in 4+ years!

I'm in!

I've been accepted to medical school!

As I opened my email to respond to yet another position on a waitlist (from the brain fart school, who didn't see that one coming?), I saw a new message in my inbox. I skipped the subject line and instead read the body of the text first. In all the mumbo jumbo of the first paragraph, it dawned on me that I'd been accepted to medical school.

I had a good feeling about this school since I had a fantastic interview and the post-interview acceptance statistics were in my favor (they take ~75% of the people they interview). But I was cautiously optimistic since I've been burned in the past, and I didn't expect to hear back so soon. So the email caught me off guard.

I was at my volunteer gig at the hospital at the time and I turned to the nurse sitting next to me and cautiously said, "I think I've just been accepted to medical school." I'm sure the confused look on my face wasn't convincing because she asked me to repeat myself. After-all, we had just been talking about the third waitlist I'd received the day before. I was still processing this acceptance so I think the nurses were more excited about this whole thing than I was.

I was simply relieved. I had always believed that I would get into medical school but so far no one that mattered (admissions committee members) had thought the same. So with the acceptance came relief: Relief that someone wanted me at their medical school and even more relief that this terrible process was finally over. As Gwyneth Paltrow said at the Oscars many years ago, "You like me. You really like me!"

Anywhos, I'm super stoked! Not only am I actually going to medical school, but this is also my top choice school (let's call it School E). The former dream school (local med school) has fallen from grace in recent months and was nearly definitively replaced by School E after my interview. Even brain fart school, which had been my top choice this cycle, was knocked down a couple of pegs after that interview. I was simply blown away by School E's program, its students, the city, the culture, everything.

So yeah, life is pretty epic right now.

Planning for the future...again

I'm a planner. I plan what I'm going to do each day and I definitely plan what my future will look like. This obsession with planning makes medical school admissions that much more infuriating since everything is so much out of my control.

Since this cycle is not turning out very well for me, I've begun thinking of the worst case scenario so I can plan my life accordingly. That scenario would be not getting into medical school this year.

I've come up with a plan on how to deal with that and here it is:

Take a couple of years off and reapply. Again.

It's not a very unique plan but one that I'm slowly coming to terms with. I like where I live and I like that my brother lives nearby. I have friends whom I have known for a long time and a life that is very comfortable.

So although I would much rather be in medical school a year from now, the alternative is not too awful and something I am starting to accept.

Another day, another waitlist

The title says it all.

I'm 4 for 4 in terms of interviews leading to waitlist positions, if you include my last cycle. This makes me think that I suck at interviewing (which I sometimes do), but in at least two of those cases I had very little chance of getting in post-interview.

My most recent waitlist decision came from the second school at which I interviewed this cycle. The dean of admissions told us during the interview day that we really only had a 10% chance of getting accepted after interviewing. They just bring in a bunch of people to interview for very few spots in the class.

So yeah, I didn't hold out much hope with this school. It still stings, though, and I'm not any closer to starting medical school in the fall. In fact, I'm down to three schools which can offer me admission, but really only two since I killed my chances of an acceptance at one of them due to a brain fart during the interview.

Let's hope my last interview goes really well because I really don't want to apply yet again.

Other lowlights

There were a couple other hiccups during that interview that make for a good self-deprecating blog post.

For one, when asked about a time I broke a regulation or a rule in a position of responsibility, I said I put a kid in a kayak instead of a row boat during summer camp, which is a big deal for the Boy Scouts (I gave him the context for the situation). I don't think he saw it as that.

Also, in response to a question about what I would do differently in college, I said I would've taken advantage of more opportunities that my undergraduate institution offered, as well as do better in my classes. He summarized that as, "So you'd do more activities," making it sound like I still wouldn't focus on doing well in school given another chance.

Lastly, I told the interviewer that I essentially ratted out a colleague to his supervisors when he said something inappropriate. The only reason I said anything to the higher-ups was because the colleague's comments were a common theme among members of the organization and I wanted to change things overall. I don't think it came off that way.

All in all, I didn't do too terribly and I'm hoping some of my other answers offset the Jehovah's Witness situation and that that comment didn't sink my entire application. I doubt there's any recovering from such a horrendous response, but there's always hope.

On the other hand, my interviewer did say that my interview went well as I shook his hand on my way out of the office. He was probably just letting me down gently.

Epic fail

My interview at the school that is currently at the top of my list was, shall I say, interesting.

The highlight (if you're considering debacle-value) or lowlight (when considering my chances of admission) of the interview came when my interviewer asked what I would do if a kid was bleeding out and his parents were refusing a blood transfusion because they are Jehovah's Witnesses.

Usually I'm really good at these ethical situations but the kid thing threw me for a loop. Parents technically have the ultimate say for the treatment of young kids. But I know there have been court cases that have challenged that, with parents even being prosecuted for letting their kids die by withholding life-saving medical care.

The Jehovah's Witness thing also didn't help since religious beliefs are often protected and get you out of a lot of morally questionable things. But again, religion cannot be an excuse for essentially killing a child who legally can't make decisions for himself.

Based on the title of this post, you can probably guess what I ended up saying. My ultimate answer (once the interviewer pressed me into giving him one, since I avoided answering the question directly by talking around the answer but not making any sort of decision) was that I would honor the parents' wishes.

As soon as that came out of my mouth, I knew it was the wrong thing to say, but it was too late to take it back. The interviewer replied, "So you'd let the kid die." In an attempt to somewhat fix the situation I responded with, "Well, I wouldn't just let him die. I'd do everything in my power to save his life." It clearly wasn't enough as I saw the interviewer scribble "die" in his notes. Not good.

I looked it up afterwards hoping that there was something out there supporting my erroneous position on the matter. Instead, I found that I was wrong in my decision. Dead wrong (pardon the pun).

Apparently, doctors are "obligated to follow federal and state regulations for the care of minors. While regulations vary from state to state, and from institution to institution, children under the age of 18 generally cannot be denied a blood transfusion when it is considered a life saving therapy."

There you have it. I just killed a kid, and I want to be a doctor.

Like I've said before, I do fantastically well during 90% of my interviews. It's those 10% of answers like this one that get me placed on the waitlist, or in this case, most likely rejected.

That's too bad because I really liked this school.

Love or hate

My interview earlier this week went fantastically well. The interviewer was in love with my activities and said she could talk about my application for hours if she could, but we had to get back to the standard interview questions. I hope my answers impressed her sufficiently to get me an acceptance to this school.

Her reaction is in stark contrast to the one I got from my dream school interviewer last cycle. She was very suspicious of the fact that I'm just now deciding on medicine and grilled me on this for several questions. Also, one of my pre-med advisors is super gung-ho about my past while another one has openly said she wouldn't invite me for an interview based on my application.

Apparently, my non-traditional status is either loved or hated by interviewers. There is no in between. Hopefully my next interviewer is in the "love" category because the school I'm about to visit is very high on my list.

Verbal diarrhea

During the student panel at my second interview, I asked if there were a lot of non-traditional students in the class. The 23-year-old second year started talking about all the kids that were her age and that even though three out of the four panelists were older, there were plenty of people in the class that were straight out of undergrad.

I waited until it was polite to interrupt and clarified my question by saying I was in my late 20s*. I then continued on (because I like to babble when I'm nervous) and pointed to the 27-year-olds, telling them I wanted to be their friends. Just like that. While awkward, it was better than what had begun coming out of my mouth, which was that I don't really want to hang out with 22-year-olds all day.

I guess I was stunned that she thought I was straight out of college, which is what prompted the nearly uncontrolled babbling. But I'm really glad I have a filter when it counts.

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*I gave them an actual age, but in a thinly veiled attempt at blog anonymity, I won't be specific about that here.