Youthful enthusiasm

My first block of third year has been a little rough, to say the least. I've struggled with motivation, the stress of trying to impress every attending and resident I interact with, and simply dressing professionally every day.

But today was different. Today was the start of orientation for the Class of 2020.

As I took my first shelf exam, I could hear the muffled voices of the incoming class of medical students excitedly chatting down the hall. Afterward, I killed time in the student lounge before my standardized patient (SP) exam while listening to the second years catch each other up on what they'd done during their summer.

Their enthusiasm was infectious and put a new spring in my step. Even though my exam was really hard and I ran out of time writing my note for the SP, I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

Orientation brought me back to my first day of medical school and how I started last year: Terrified of what I'd gotten myself into but also excited to finally realize this dream I'd harbored since I was in high school.

I have grown crotchety since then, especially since the start of 2016 and all the stress of Step studying and shoulder surgery*. But seeing and hearing the kids in the classes below us be so excited about medicine somehow made everything better, even if for one afternoon.

I'm so happy for them as they begin this new adventure and I hope they don't forget the excitement of their first day of medical school. It's easy to lose perspective in the day-to-day grind of exams and evaluations, but when you step back for a minute, you realize that it's pretty damn cool.

---
* I haven't mentioned this yet, but I had shoulder surgery a few months ago between Step and clinical rotations. My celebratory Costa Rican vacation turned into a post-surgical Percocet haze. Potayto potahto.

Responsibility

While it still hasn't hit me that I'm actually starting medical school, it's slowly starting to dawn on me that I am, sometime in the near future, going to be a doctor. That is a scary thought.

Amongst all the mingling, retreating, and picnicking, we've had a few serious talks at orientation and our White Coat ceremony about what it means to be a doctor.

Our keynote speaker described the first patient that he treated. Our dean spoke about the impact his patients' words of thanks have had on him. And our orientation included a history of the impact our medical school and its doctors have had on the surrounding community.

Every single one of these instances sent shivers down my spine. The quality of my work will no longer just affect my professional reputation or a potential bonus. A good day on the job could have tangible effects on another person's life and future, as could a bad day. I have never felt such a great sense of responsibility before and it's thrilling.

So although it still feels like I'm on vacation meeting new people in a new city and the "first day of medical school" seems very surreal, I am keenly aware of the responsibility that I will acquire once I get an MD after my name in four very short years.

I am incredibly excited, but at the same time very terrified. I'm in for a wild ride.