Denial

Tomorrow is Match Monday, the beginning of Match Week, round number 3 for me. Honestly, it feels like any other day and I've had to put it into my calendar otherwise I'd forget the big occasion.

This is in stark contrast to the first (or even second) Match Monday, when I had a countdown on my phone, was constantly thinking about it, and had to actively distract myself with other things.

This time around, I keep forgetting that it's so soon...as in, tomorrow.

I think part of it is due to being desensitized from the previous times I've had to go through this. None of the experiences have been positive, and have in fact been pretty traumatic. This process has become routine (apply, interview, wait) and the outcome will probably be the same, so the element of surprise has worn off.

I also can't believe it's already March because this year has been gone by so quickly! With every passing week, I have looked forward to the weekend where I could explore my new surroundings and enjoy having 2 days off each week that I could fill however I wanted (such a foreign concept to me, which is sad in its own way). The passage of time has been a pleasure and there hasn't been anything I've dreaded like I had in previous years. It's been a nice, positive change.

This whole process doesn't feel real, either, since I'm so far removed from the residency application process in that I'm not surrounded by people talking about it all the time, like I was as an MS4. It's a cloud that hangs over me constantly, but is rarely talked about since most of the people I work with don't understand the process and everyone else has bigger things to worry about. So it's odd that it's actually happening.

In short, I'm in super denial about the email I'm going to get in about 12 hours that will change everything or nothing, depending on how the cookie crumbles, as my boss put it.

Hopefully it'll be good news this time around. Fingers crossed.